Dedicated to Victoria Martens
Today I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the tragedy of Victoria Martens, who was killed by her mother and two other meth addicts a few weeks ago. More of Victoria's story has come out since and it isn't pretty. In fact, it's so ugly, I can't quit crying for that little girl who deserved so much better.
I know, too, that Victoria isn't the only child out there in desperate need of help, and obviously, agencies like CYFD aren't able to solve all the problems. They never will be, either, as long as we work on a money model. I could go on about money but I'm tired of it. I would rather look at things with some common sense and compassion.
What if we tried tackling this problem as a community? What if it wasn't about money at all but resources?
I listened to the conversation about Victoria on my favorite radio station this morning and the point was made that teachers had reported concerns about her a while back but CYFD's actions were not sufficient in the end. So I started thinking about teachers, too, and school communities.
It is true that there is not enough money to pay enough counselors, etc. to address all of the problems schools see but that is because we are looking at it as money. Let's throw money at the problem because it solves everything, right?
I would argue that we don't need money at all to do the right thing, not if we look at it through the eyes of families and communities. The school is a community. I was a teacher. I know that teachers observe and learn from their students, and they find out a lot of personal things. And they worry. Same with parents, same with the kids themselves. And guess what? They all learn about each other. Kids might not say something outright about problems they face but good teachers and counselors often see the signs, they often suspect.
The bureaucracy that forces itself on how we address such personal issues makes it almost impossible for families and communities to pull together to address the issues themselves. It categorizes when really, we should be addressing commonalities. Common sense is lost in the abyss of political correctness.
While teachers wait for CYFD to jump through all the hoops and follow all the rules, a child is murdered. Teachers are left feeling they should have done more, and could have done more. I agree, all of us can do more. We need to quit waiting for a broken system to solve problems.
So what do we do?
I believe CYFD needs support, too, and of course, more money would help. But I also think that the rest of us can do something and it would be much more effective, and quicker. We simply do what we do anyway, talk to each other, but not in the shadows.
Instead of hiding the problems to protect privacy, we need to start speaking up. I really think the intervention model just might work. That is, if a teacher suspects a child is in danger, that teacher starts talking to other teachers, counselors, etc. (not just anyone, though, it doesn't have to be public news) and if there is indeed a problem, they confront the parent as a community. This can be done discreetly. There could be a trained team at the school level to diplomatically handle things.
If the child is in immediate danger, someone in the community can put them up temporarily. The whole community knows where the child is. No one has to be hired. It's another mom watching the neighbor's kid for a night or two.
It's all about saving lives, not earning a dollar. It's because we care about our kids and want them to be safe. To me, it's more like handling it as a family would handle a family problem.We don't need CYFD to do it all. We just need to find ways to immediately help kids in danger.
Victoria
Let's use Victoria as an example. Teachers did report their suspicions to CYFD, as they should have. But maybe at that point, they could have pulled together the school community to find a safe place to put Victoria, under the guise of a sleepover or something like that, until CYFD could do something.
Or could they? There is so much legislative crap that keeps us from the most practical solutions, and that is why I've only gotten this far in my thinking. If you know more than I and can contribute ideas, I would love to hear them.
Again, though, it is important to note that the system does not work. We need to quit relying on it and address these kinds of problems on a human, not political, level. Let's pull together as communities. It takes a village...
I know, too, that Victoria isn't the only child out there in desperate need of help, and obviously, agencies like CYFD aren't able to solve all the problems. They never will be, either, as long as we work on a money model. I could go on about money but I'm tired of it. I would rather look at things with some common sense and compassion.
What if we tried tackling this problem as a community? What if it wasn't about money at all but resources?
I listened to the conversation about Victoria on my favorite radio station this morning and the point was made that teachers had reported concerns about her a while back but CYFD's actions were not sufficient in the end. So I started thinking about teachers, too, and school communities.
It is true that there is not enough money to pay enough counselors, etc. to address all of the problems schools see but that is because we are looking at it as money. Let's throw money at the problem because it solves everything, right?
I would argue that we don't need money at all to do the right thing, not if we look at it through the eyes of families and communities. The school is a community. I was a teacher. I know that teachers observe and learn from their students, and they find out a lot of personal things. And they worry. Same with parents, same with the kids themselves. And guess what? They all learn about each other. Kids might not say something outright about problems they face but good teachers and counselors often see the signs, they often suspect.
The bureaucracy that forces itself on how we address such personal issues makes it almost impossible for families and communities to pull together to address the issues themselves. It categorizes when really, we should be addressing commonalities. Common sense is lost in the abyss of political correctness.
While teachers wait for CYFD to jump through all the hoops and follow all the rules, a child is murdered. Teachers are left feeling they should have done more, and could have done more. I agree, all of us can do more. We need to quit waiting for a broken system to solve problems.
So what do we do?
I believe CYFD needs support, too, and of course, more money would help. But I also think that the rest of us can do something and it would be much more effective, and quicker. We simply do what we do anyway, talk to each other, but not in the shadows.
Instead of hiding the problems to protect privacy, we need to start speaking up. I really think the intervention model just might work. That is, if a teacher suspects a child is in danger, that teacher starts talking to other teachers, counselors, etc. (not just anyone, though, it doesn't have to be public news) and if there is indeed a problem, they confront the parent as a community. This can be done discreetly. There could be a trained team at the school level to diplomatically handle things.
If the child is in immediate danger, someone in the community can put them up temporarily. The whole community knows where the child is. No one has to be hired. It's another mom watching the neighbor's kid for a night or two.
It's all about saving lives, not earning a dollar. It's because we care about our kids and want them to be safe. To me, it's more like handling it as a family would handle a family problem.We don't need CYFD to do it all. We just need to find ways to immediately help kids in danger.
Victoria
Let's use Victoria as an example. Teachers did report their suspicions to CYFD, as they should have. But maybe at that point, they could have pulled together the school community to find a safe place to put Victoria, under the guise of a sleepover or something like that, until CYFD could do something.
Or could they? There is so much legislative crap that keeps us from the most practical solutions, and that is why I've only gotten this far in my thinking. If you know more than I and can contribute ideas, I would love to hear them.
Again, though, it is important to note that the system does not work. We need to quit relying on it and address these kinds of problems on a human, not political, level. Let's pull together as communities. It takes a village...
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